punishing the kids

[ssgjohnson]

i wanted to make this a poll, but i dont know how to do that.

Im currently locked into facebook warfare with some people over the spanking or not spanking, and i figured why not spread the battlefield here too!!

so i spank my kids. i believe in it. it works. my kids and i have a wonderful relationship and they are really really well behaved. so whats ya'lls take?

[Bdons-SD]

Its hard for me to say, my little one is only 18 months. My wife and I have put off this conversation until she starts getting to that age. We were both spanked growing up, old school parents ha ha, so I lean towards not wanting to, but if shes as stubborn when shes old enough to talk back as she is now I can see where this method may be more efficient than the time out method.

I guess I should say Im not opposed to it, but I would prefer not to spank my little girl, its tough enough to see her cry when she falls down or something ha ha.

[01 D_Max]

I believe that spanking can work if done correctly. I also believe you can dicipline a child without spanking them. It really depends on the situation. But I would never smack my kid when Im angry, or in public. My parents balanced both well. I got spanked, and that sometimes kept me from doing what I shouldnt. My father would always tell us He didn't want to spank us, and that He loved us. Then He would talk it out, Why? Who? When? and all that. But He showed Balance always. My sister would learn from the threat of a spanking, so he would just talk it out with her... No spanking needed.
My stepmother on the other hand is a loving mother, but had a short temper and would slap our faces, and spank us till her anger deminished. She learned to tell us wait till your father gets home (threat). I never respected how she treated us. But I love her now that I realise she loved us and my father very much. So if done correctly spanking works very well.

Sorry to ramble but I thought of this... My brothers kid was 2-3 years old and would wander off. They are weird with dicipline IMO. anyway... Kid walks away from all the adults after just being told several times to stay with mommy, and starts into a 4 lane highway. My wife screams and I grab Him. My brother says what happened? Told him, and he "talks it out" with the Kid... WTF? thats BS! I would have spanked His ass. Why? because the whole time My bro is talking, kid is playing while getting buckled in the car. You spank Himn so he realises something serious just happened, then explain what it was. He will listen to you more for sure!

[westtnfx4]

I took enough beatings to do for my kids and there kids. :jester:

I think in extreme situations it may be nessacary. I've never spanked my daughter and she's almost 16.

I've only spanked my son once and he's almost 12. He's a great kid. But one time when he was about 3 yrs old I told him not to ride his tricycle down the drive and close (or into the road, we live on a back road so there is not alot of traffic but still can be dangerous) and I walked around the back of the house and heard him go "weeeeeeee" I ran around the house and low and behold there was a car coming and he was going about 40 mph straight out into the road. I panicked. I got to him before anything bad happened. But that day he got a spanking. I told him why and it was very important that he listen to me. He remembers that one time to this day and I've never had a problem again.

So to answer the question I'd say no for the most part but SOMETIMES it may be nessacary.

It can be over done.

[Stroked68]

I'd say spank the crap out of them! Nothin worse than a kid that acts up after bein told numerous times not to do somethin or they back talk ya. We were spanked rarely when I was little cause we were somewhat good kids. We got thunked on the head usually haha. I guess this is one reason i dont have kids nore want kids. I've seen other peoples kids act up and dont want that. Im too impatient at times with kids. My ex has two kids and man there were times I wanted to beat the crap out of them for whining about absolutely nothin. Damn kids!

[ssgjohnson]

I agree with the both of you. I really hate spanking the kids. We tried the whole time-outs thing and to be honest, it just doesnt work. Its not really what we do but how we do it that is important. We dont use our hands, we use a paddle. the reason for this is because if we have to go to the other room or downstairs to get the paddle, then all the way back to the individual to be disciplined, there is little chance that we are still going to be angry by the time the actual spanking is issued. It also teaches the kids to not necessarily fear the parent, but instead the object.

I always explain exactly why the spanking is occuring, and what can be done to avoid it next time. I tell them that i dont like to do it and that i love them very much (like your pops did Dmax). I also believe that consistency is important. if you are going to spank for a certain offense, you have to do it every time. if you arent consistent, then i believe they start to believe there is a chance the punishment will be less severe or not happen at all.

my kids and i share a really good, strong and loving relationship. my kids come to me with problems and are surprisingly honest with me, even if its confessing to a crime. we can play fight all day long and there is no issues. My eldest got spanked until she was about five, but after that, she learned to simply behave. she rarely does ANYTHING wrong and is a huge help around the house. in the rare occasion that she does get into trouble, i dont have to spank her because just knowing that she dissapointed us is enough recourse.

That being said, i was abused pretty badly and treated like crap by my stepdad. he didnt believe in spanking, he believed causing injury. the first time he punched me like a man, i was 7. I ALWAYS said i would never spank...until i had kids. BUT having been through that growing up has taught me the effects of what we do as parents. This subject is something i care alot about, but im not so opinionated that i would ever judge another person's parenting (unless its down-right abuse). my biggest problem is when people try to tell me im wrong if i dont lay down and let the kids run me over.

sorry, im bored and can type stupid fast.

[01 D_Max]

Sounds like you are reasonable like my dad for sure. I am 27 and would still go to him for advice and tell him my problems. Spanking doesn't mean your a bad parent. Abuse makes you a bad parent. There is a big difference!

And just an added point, My (biological) mother never disiplined us. She would let us get away with murder. She wanted to be our friend not our mom. I have no respect for her as a mother now. But I like her because she is a friend. With her I was smoking POT and Cigarettes at the age of 9. Driving illegally at 13. and never did homework. I really wish she diciplined us more.

I tried hiding those things when I moved back in with dad at 16. But that ended up in stealing His cars every night to Smoke with friends. I would make sure that I returned it with just the exact fuel in the tank, and if the miles were set I would make sure the trip was exactly the same every time. He knew something was up though. Especially when He got a call at 2 in the morning... "Dad I wrecked your car. I hit loose dirt, lost control and went off a cliff. But Im ok. Can you pick me up" That was the worst night of my life, because of guilt. He didnt show any emotion. Just picked me up... Brought me Home... and said "go to bed, we will talk tomorrow". No beating needed... I was doing it myself. What a lesson! I wished he would have beaten me, but being that disapointed in me was way worse. That was the longest night of my life....

[ssgjohnson]

holy crap dmax... im pretty sure we may be the same person. i was the same way with my mom, scared ****less (like PTSD style) of my stepdad... smoke weed and all that when i was real young. just uncanny similarities there.

[ssgjohnson]

heh, i even stole my moms car a bunch of times

[01 D_Max]

That's interesting. I guess it just shows what broken homes, and poor parenting will do.

Guess your my brother form another mother.

[ssgjohnson]

cool! i need another half sibling!

[Big'un]

Well i got the belt quite a bit wen i was a youngin! I believe in spankn 100%.... My 2 yr old gets "popped" ever once n a while after he repeatadly does stuff after u tell him no cuz he thinks its funny. The way i look at it is if u dnt pop or spank em they wont learn. That standn with yer nose n the corner crap dont work. U gotta show u mean business

[01 D_Max]

^^^x2

Im right there with you brother.

[06VT365]

I think every kid is different. I remember very few spankings, all my dad had to do was give the look andi corrected myself!

But that doesn't work for all kids...as evident by what i see everyday. Some kids need spanked!!!! I don't think it should be in public, do it in private, after you yourself have calmed down. Never do it from anger. Explain why they are getting spanked too, I really think most kids would figure it out rather quickly.

that said....not sure how how it will go with me as my only child is myna month old little girl and she has me wrapped around her finger since before she was born!

[ssgjohnson]

Thanks for all the inputs and view points guys. I mostly posted the topic out of a combination of boredom and curiosity. I was upset at the time i originally posted this due to an argument i was having on this topic with an individual that felt she could impart her wisdom on me because she is older than me and "successfully" raised a child that is now 21...(has no job, barely finished HS, and is a general screw up...but he's such a sweet boy!) Im done being bored now... thanks!

[01 D_Max]

We are still gonna share our opinions... Keep em comin guys!

[Bdons-SD]

My mom used to smack me out of anger and frustration, not discipline. Made her look like a crazy person in my eyes. So I feel spanking or bop on the head is deserved in only the most extreme cases. But one needs to make sure the punishment fits the crime, like said above, sometimes guilt can be the worse punishment than a beating.